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Letter of advice for Jeremy Clarkson before new show

Jeremy Clarkson

by Ed Davies

With the latest Clarkson bore-fest, The Grand Tour, set to hit our screens on November 18 we wanted to give the beleaguered television star a few workplace tips

Having previously offered the Doncaster-born presenter a job after his legendary fracas with producer Oisin Tymon, CaravanTimes is yet again holding out an olive branch to the former Top Gear presenter.

Find below our letter:

Dear Jezza,

We here at CaravanTimes desperately want your new show to succeed but feel that you may need a few pointers on what to do and what not to do before the big day, so here goes:

First of all, purchase Kung-Fu classes for all staff members working on your show and perhaps throw in a few gym memberships for prevention’s sake. Maybe a little too much but you never know.

You could also just not hit anyone.

Secondly, I am sure Amazon will have anti-discrimination clauses in place, so some of your gaffes over the years may not be advisable.

I am not telling you to tone down your legendary banter, Jezza, but maybe just nothing too on the nose:

So maybe none of this, and probably nothing like this, you might also want to avoid this topic and absolutely certainly none of these, but as I say I am not quite at your level.

Thirdly, pre-order cooked food and make sure before time that it gets there. For most people this is not necessary but for you it seems key.

Lastly, could you make the show a little bit funnier and slightly more interesting as frankly the other one was utter balls.

Best wishes,

Ed

Good luck!!!